you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
