i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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