all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
