I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
