And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
