Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
