You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
