why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize