im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize