Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize