Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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