Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
