Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We left the knife in your bed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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