I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
