The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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