you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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