so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
