I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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