end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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