...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
