I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
