How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
handjob tips. give me some.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
