After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need water and some morals
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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