I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
