The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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