there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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