Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
