Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
