last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
