your parents love me but you hate me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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