i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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