I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't think brook has ever known best
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
