My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
