everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
