It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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