Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
