What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
