Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
