She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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