my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
