they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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