Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
