i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
