Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
