i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
