You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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