break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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