p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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