oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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