Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
