Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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