Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want nice things and good sex
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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