I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
