I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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