I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
