so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how do you play pong handcuffed?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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