I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
