What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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