Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
