Got a toothbrush?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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