im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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