I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
