SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
