My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
