I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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