In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
