I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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