it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
