i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
