32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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