I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
