I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
